Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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