he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
