You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
