I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
