whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
two words...techno handjob
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
