he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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