I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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