Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
