i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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