Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize