Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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