I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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