Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
