i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
