Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
