im drinking this country out of the recession.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
