Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
