I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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