Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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