You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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