anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
