I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize