Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize