I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
