Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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