I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
