Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
