I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize