I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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