Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
