i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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