PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
