I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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