She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize