you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
