I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
