Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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