note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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