he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
