If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
