So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
