his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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