Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
