There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
