ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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