So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
