You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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