some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
