Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
