I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
