hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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