Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
