I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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