I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
