I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
