The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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