I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
