How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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