I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
