Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
