Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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