I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
