1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
